Thursday, January 31, 2008

Weigh-in Day

Well, not exactly a weigh in, we sold our scale last Saturday. But a milestone in my 12 week plan nonetheless. Since December 31 I have now shaved 3 inches off my waist. Yeah. It feels good. And, the other day I got up to the 20 pounder dumbbells for my bicep curls. It has been years since I've been able to do that. I didn't even mind that one of the cuter gym boys was watching me struggle on the final rep. I think he was impressed. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Recent Pix

It seems like it's about time to get some fresh pictures here. So, voila!

Boy time flies these days. I suppose that is always the case when you've got a deadline looming though.
Last week we held a 'garage' sale which helped us turn quite a lot of junk into money. We also had lots of stuff to donate so I feel like our karma came through okay too. I had felt a little weird about selling things in a place where so many people need so much but I guess we won't go directly to hell just for trying to recoup a little money for things rich gringas want.
It is nice to have some cleared spaces throughout the house too. For a while there the sheer volume of knickknacks around here was making me feel fairly anxious.

The Bunny is still feeling uneasy. On Friday dh had a talk with her after I came home in a fit over the firewall of negativity she'd been presenting. I was just full up on it and at a complete loss as to how to get someone to look on the bright side when they are determined not to. I'm not sure what he said, but it seems to be helping.

This weekend marks the second anniversary of our daughter Wendy's birth. The second is actually a holiday here celebrating the return of spring. Rebirth as it were. Wendy's coming and going certainly did mark a rebirth for me, one for which I will be forever grateful. I often think that that was her purpose. She didn't need a whole lifetime to achieve her goal. She was a short sharp shock. When I dare to ask myself if I would change anything I have to face the truth that I wouldn't. I don't care to imagine how life would have unfolded otherwise and I don't see that it would have been very likely to have it both ways. So there it is.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Remember The Facts of Life?

Well, I have a vague memory of it being the kind of show my parents didn't let me watch but which I occasionally glimpsed at friend's houses. Something about Mrs. Huffnagle and Linda Blair? Am I making that all up? I'll have to check.(*ETA Mrs Hufnagle was a character on St. Elsewhere, a show I never watched and of course, Linda Blair was The Exorcist girl) In any case, we're now all hot on the possibility of turning this place his is as yet unsold and unrented!) into a boarding house for the type of single lady that tends to visit SMA on her own post-divorce/midlife crisis/revelation/reading of Eat Love Pray (okay, not fair, I haven't read it, I hear it can be life altering, I'm just sick of baby boomers telling every other generation that they 'get it' in a way that no one else does).
Anyway, a good friend of ours needs a new gig and loves it down here so she's mulling over the idea of running this place as some sort of boarding house.

Now I'm going to see how using bean puree in morning glory muffins tastes. I'll report back if it's any good!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Regrieving and Pregrieving


My dad sent me an article about how kids have to regrieve with developmental milestones. It was apropos of a conversation about the Bunny suddenly feeling really upset about the death of our old dalmatian even though it has been over a year. She had just described it like a clock that had come full circle to point to the grief again. I was very glad to get the article to back her up because I was honestly feeling a little impatient about it. I really wish I didn't have that reaction. I want to be endlessly patient and sympathetic and yet I really feel like I just want her to move on, to stop focusing on sad past events and get over it already! I'm sure there is not just a little guilt about how I ran over the poor dog at play in my reaction yet even when we can see our private and unattractive motivations it's not that easy to reroute our behavior. However, knowing that she is just being a normal kid and not vindictively twisting the guilt knife in my back helps a bit.
Last night it came out that she also had a moment (how long, minutes? an hour? I have no real recollection) on the day that Wendy was born during which she thought that I had been the one that had died. I don't know how that happened. She says that dh just told her "someone died" without specifying. I suppose in the midst of such a shocking and tragic event it is possible if not likely that he wasn't specific. However it happened or didn't it makes me so sad to thing that on top of everything else she had that kind of fright that she'd lost her mother! The poor kid. When will it all fade out for her? And for me? She brought this up after asking me if I felt sad about "letting Wendy down". Sheesh, talk about a loaded question. I mean, now I know exactly how it happened that I let Wendy down but do I really have to rehash it all for my 6 year old? Is there really ever a time when a parent can level with their child about how small unrelated moments and mistakes and missteps build themselves into a deadly chain? Is there really a time when she'll be able to forgive me and dh for our inattention that robbed her of her sister? And how does one lay it all out without sounding either overly defensive or callously aloof? No obvious answers there!


Recently my reading has included a very slow browse through James Howard Kunstler's The Long Emergency. A book about the disaster on the horizon for civilization as we know it when the oil runs out. It's not exactly a new idea but it is one I hadn't given a tremendous amount of thought to previously. So far I've only made it through the initial explanation of why oil is about to become obsolete and why alternative energy sources aren't going to be able to jump in and pick right up where oil leaves off. It's pretty depressing. Not just the prospect of modern life as we know it disappearing from the menu but the hubris that got us here. Of course hubris is nothing new, it brings down every major civilization doesn't it? And each new empire allows itself to believe it has learned from the mistakes of its predecessors. Well, whatever. Here we are and it will be our job to try to make the best of it, however the crisis unfolds. So recently I've been thinking more and more about the wisdom of emphasizing the skills of self-sufficiency. I'm not talking about caching weapons or anything too nutty, but I think it would be appropriate to learn and teach the girls how to grow a real sustainable garden, how to raise animals for food and transportation (yes Bunny! I do mean having a horse!), how to make instead of buy. I know that it won't be pretty for most of the world when the power goes off but I'm allowing myself to hope for the best for our upcoming new life on a small island.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Off to a good start

So far so good on my new workout routine. Already I have been comically sore from my stepped up exercise but as I'm going from nothing to 6 days a week it is manageable. I really enjoy my time at the gym. I know that I could eventually get a set of dumbbells and a bench at home but it wouldn't be the same and I bet wouldn't workout nearly as regularly. Just the pressure of telling the guy at the desk that I'll see him in two days is enough to assure I return. I hope the one fitness club on SJI has a good feel as I expect to be visiting it regularly. They have a pool too and that rocks.