Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010, Go.

Welcome 2010.
Twenty ten seems simpler than two thousand ten and it also avoids comparison to where we

thought we'd be at this point in the future which is good since I'm nowhere near owning a

jetpack. Although I guess the present deserves some credit, all our internet/wireless/touch

screen technology is pretty cool.

Anyway, here we are in the New Year, finally past all the holiday cheer and otherwise. This

Chiristmas the Bunny finally figured out that Santa isn't really the guy with the sled but

just us grown-ups. I had totally forgotten to fill the stockings and then we'd used

wrapping paper that she'd seen in my mom's closet so that was that. At first she was upset

and angry that we'd lied to her but after a bit she agreed that it was more fun to have had

the time to believe in the magic and that she could just adjust her outlook to accept that

grownups aren't lying so much as trying to live up to the standard of Santa. In the end she

agreed to be a member of Team Elf and keep the story going for Alison. Phew.

Our visit with Mom was pretty tolerable. She was really good with the girls and didn't pull

any pouty moments that we've seen in the past. She's still pretty nuts and gets wrapped up

in these far-fetched solutions to her problems as a way to avoid making hard bbut effective

decisions. But Other than wanting us to meet her financial advisor to give her our sense of

whether he could be trusted or not (he can we think) she wasn't really looking for much

input from us and tat made everything a little smoother.

And now we're back in San Miguel for the next 6 weeks. It's okay so far. It's fun to see

old friends and new babies and eat old favorite foods. But I feel totally untethered and

aimless. I need a project. I wish I was able to focus in on each moment with my kids and

relish these moments we have to be together but sadly, I find it pretty exhausting to be

constantly looking at each little squiggle of drawing and watch and approve of every odd

little dance step and laugh at every dopey joke. I miss the structure of my life at home,

time at the gym where I feel like I'm at least staying fit as opposed to feeling older and

achier by the minute as I am here, the weekly flow of classes and whatnot. And I miss my

cat who I hear has taken to the upstairs and won't come down. He's just old enough that I

worry about his health taking the toll from all the strangeness. I miss the sense of being

a part of a community that I want to be part of. I know, wah wah wah. What a cranky way to

start of the year's blogging! But whatever, maybe it's just this morning, it's grey and

cold and yet another holiday (Three Kings).

I will go try to readjust my attitude with some yoga (pfff!) or at least to loosen up my

back which feels like it belongs to an 80 year old.